A doorman for the Science Academy?!?!
BREAKING NEWS by Desmond Devine
Our school is relatively new, and it is well known that starting a site of education is an endeavor that requires land, motivated people, and above all else, cold hard cash. Now our school has been lucky enough to be able to receive the support needed to launch a new campus, and we have an amazing faculty, but we still need a ton of money to pay the teachers, purchase supplies including textbooks, and ensure student well being. In addition, since we just survived a pandemic, it is extremely important that we save money and use it for the best causes.
Well, apparently there are more important things than the best causes. It has been brought to the attention of the Journalism Club that our school could be hiring a doorman. A doorman! Something only billionaires and the most upper-crust of hotels have. Can’t our students open doors by themselves? Go check out the link below at home if you’ve forgotten how to open a door:
https://www.instructables.com/How-To-Open-A-Door-1/
Come on, guys! We’re the SCIENCE ACADEMY. The gifted and talented individuals who will go on to achieve greatness! If we are inhibited by a simple unlocked door, then why bother coming to such a prestigious school in the first place? This is the problem with this possible purchase. We don’t need it. That money could be used to help clubs, buy more lab equipment for science classes, or purchase tissues that don’t feel like cardboard. Anything would be better! But apparently, the two guardian angels of our school, SciFi and ASB, think hiring a doorman will benefit our school, when in reality it is a waste of money that tells us impressionable children that it’s okay to rely on others to get basic responsibilities done.
Everyone, speak out now to ensure our school’s financial security! Scroll down to learn more on how to help stop this egregious waste:
APRIL FOOLS’!
By the way, I know this money stuff sounds complicated and frustrating. But you know what isn’t complicated? Taking 15 minutes to save 15% or more on car insurance by switching to Geico!
p.s. Here’s some history on the origin of April Fools’ Day:
Some historians speculate that April Fools’ Day dates back to 1582, when France switched from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar, as called for by the Council of Trent in 1563. In the Julian Calendar, as in the Hindu calendar, the new year began with the spring equinox around April 1.
People who were slow to get the news or failed to recognize that the start of the new year had moved to January 1 and continued to celebrate it during the last week of March through April 1 became the butt of jokes and hoaxes and were called “April fools.” These pranks included having paper fish placed on their backs and being referred to as “poisson d’avril” (April fish), said to symbolize a young, easily caught fish and a gullible person.
